Part V: The Afternoon After

Harry Guakomoli was rudely awakened by the sound of "Big Pimpin'" by Jay-Z. He paid $2.99 for that ringtone and it was worth every penny. The Guak looked to his left to see the curvy backside of Yo-Yo Ramirez and smiled, flashing a mouthful of smashed teeth.

Harry Guakomoli had slain his archenemy, Sasquatch McGillicuddy, the night before, ripping the behemoth's shaggy head clean off. After some sweet lovin' from the comely Miss Ramirez, all our hero wanted to do was sleep, for days preferably. But Jay-Z just wouldn't shut the fuck up.

Harry Guakomoli answered the phone with a curt "what?" He had a brief conversation with the mysterious caller (The Guak's contribution consisted of puzzled grunts) before getting out of bed and throwing on some clothes, lacing up his shit-kickers, and zipping up his coat.

Harry Guakomoli woke up the lovely Yo-Yo Ramirez. "El Guako, you leave me?" she purred. "Sorry, mi cucaracha, but I've got an appointment," our hero replied. "Papi Grande! Don't you know 'cucaracha' means 'cockroach?!" The Guak chuckled and patted her fanny. "Of course I do."

Harry Guakomoli hobbled downstairs, the previous night's murderous encounter having taken its toll. The Guak opened the door to to the outside, the potency of the sun's rays blinding our wounded hero. "Fuck, you look like shit, brother from another mother," a familiar voice commented.

Harry Guakomoli took a moment to let his eyes adjust to the glare. Oslo sat on the stoop, a half-eaten package of Nutter Butters and three empty forties of St. Ides premium malt liquor to his left, a lumpy puddle of vomit to his right. "That chica do some crazy nasty Tommy Smothers shit to your yo-yo?" The Guak merely smiled.

Harry Guakomoli and Oslo punched it in, fist bumping paw, The Guak's hand slathered in oily goop. "Jesus!" remarked our hero, "take a bath already!" Oslo glared at his best and only friend "bitch, that nasty shit saved your white ass last night." A black stretch Escalade emerged from behind a building, slowly turning the corner and stopping in front of The Guak's hizzouse.

Harry Guakomoli eyed the most hideously ostentatious vehicle he had ever seen. The driver's door opened and out stepped a tall blonde who could be described as either "amazonian" or "built like a brick shit house" (reader's choice!) dressed head-to-toe in black leather. "Mr. Guakomoli," stated the amazonian shit house coldly, "the doctor awaits your arrival."

Harry Guakomoli stepped off the stoop and headed towards the stretch as The Amazon walked over to the rear passenger's side door, the click-clack of her jackboots loud on the pavement. She opened the door and The Guak hopped in, motioning Oslo to follow. The sidekick of this story's protagonist did so, but not before stopping at the driver's feet and issuing a wolf whistle.