Harry Guakomoli and Oslo rode in luxury as The Less-Than-Dynamic Duo left the urban decay they called home. "Oh my fuckness!" exclaimed Oslo. "There's all kinds of liquors up in this bitch!" The tom cat cracked open some Hennessy and started chugging straight from the bottle. "You want some of this shit, Boss?" The Guak scanned the scads of libations. "Pass the Courvoisier."
Harry Guakomoli and The World's Smartest Cat got their slizzard on in the back of the stretch Escalade as it crawled up the winding way to the bluff overlooking The City. Atop the bluff sat a castle, dark and foreboding, towering over The City like a hungry predator ready to pounce. Oslo noted aloud "shit, son! That's Neuneuschwanstein!"
Harry Guakomoli sort of recalled the legend of Neuneuschwanstein. It was rumored to exist before The City was even founded, occupied by injun shaman who performed arcane rituals, sacrificing papooses and maize in the name of some dark mother. At least that's what Father Bruce told him that one time after catechism. Then The Guak vividly remembered what else happened that day with Father Bruce, and his mind went blank.
Harry Guakomoli and his four-legged friend continued their binge drinking as their chariot slowly proceeded through the gate, a rusty portcullis threatening to fall at any moment. The stretch pulled up in front of a set of heavy double doors. "What the fuck did you get us into?" Oslo asked with a hint of nervousness.
Harry Guakomoli watched as the double doors swung in, pulled open by a pair of diminutive twins. Their blond hair short and curly, their eyes big and blue, giving a glimpse of the emptiness within. A big, seemingly permanent, grin was plastered on each of the wee guys' faces. The more callous of us would call them "midgets" and creepy ones at that.
Harry Guakomoli stared out the window at the doormen as Otto whispered "those midgets are creeping me out." The Guak paid him no mind: Otto had a hatred for anyone 4' tall or shorter, a result of being continually fucked with by small children the first few years of his life. But that was before "the accident." The kids stayed away after that. The story of what happened to Lil' Billy Oliver's eyes guaranteed it.
Harry Guakomoli and his sidekick (a designation said sidekick vehemently opposed) stepped out of the stretch Escalade once The Amazon opened the door. The Guak stumbled a bit; the hour-long drive to Neuneuschwanstein had given him considerable time to get a considerable buzz. Our hero also found himself in need of some serious bladder-emptying. He looked back to see Oslo doing just that.
Harry Guakomoli winced upon exiting the vehicle, the odor of gas strong in the air. The fumes were so strong they burned The Guak's eyes, causing them to water. Through the watery haze our story's protagonist noticed a shadowy figure in the doorway.
No comments:
Post a Comment