Harry Guakomoli collapsed and landed on the cold asphalt. He was in a fuckload of pain and nearing unconsciousness. This was no way for a hero to go out, like a chump. But he was too weak. Sasquatch would never allow him to get back up. Then a small brown streak appeared from nowhere and Oslo was in the monster's face, attempting to claw out the eyes of the antagonist of this tale.
Harry Guakomoli got the opening he desperately needed. As Sasquatch struggled with Oslo, The Guak pulled himself to his feet, just to see his would-be murderer yank Oslo off his face and drop kick the sidekick. The cat flew through the air howling. The Guak swore he saw a deluge of stomach acid, malt liquor, and partially chewed Nutter Butters erupt from his only friend's mouth as Oslo hurtled away into the night.
Harry Guakomoli swung wildly...and missed...horribly.
Harry Guakomoli cursed himself for blowing his one shot. Sasquatch MacGillicuddy laughed and took a step towards his prey, unaware that his right foot was slathered in the viscous fluid that Oslo was drenched in. The ogre slipped and fell, landing hard on his bum. A burst of adrenaline shot through our hero, who lunged towards Sasquatch.
Harry Guakomoli latched on to Sasquatch's mountain man of a beard and placed a foot on the pitied fool's shoulder. While pressing down with his foot, The Guak pulled up with all of his power. Sasquatch screeched and thrashed about, but it was all for naught. It did not take long for The Guak, drunk on St. Ides and Herculean might, to yank the behemoth's head clean off, a torrent of blood rushed from his slain enemy's neckhole.
Harry Guakomoli took a step back as Sasquatch MacGillicuddy's body became the Mount Vesuvius of sanguinary discharge. The Guak raised Sasquatch's severed head so its eyes were level with his own. "You should totally fuck that skull," Oslo, who of course landed on his feet, suggested. Our hero entertained the thought briefly before he decided to just drop the shaggy head.
Harry Guakomoli felt a hand grab his own. He looked over to see the lovely Yo-Yo Ramimirez standing at his side. "You were soooo brave," she purred, "and I would like to give you a proper hero's reward." The Guak smiled, showing a grin of smashed teeth. "I would like that very much," he replied. "But first I need to throw up these Nutter Butters."
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