Harry Guakomoli found the whole thing surreal. But he knew it wasn't time for thinking. It was time for action. The Guak preferred action time. Thinking time was for pussies. He began to stand up only to feel The Amazon's hands on his shoulders holding him down.
"Please think of the Tijuana knife fight, baby," begged The Amazon with a trace of desperation.
"I distinctly said 'it's action time' in my head," The Guak snarled. "No one tells me to think, harpy."
Having said that, The Guak grabbed his no-longer-beloved's right wrist and pulled her arm toward his mouth. He lamented briefly how he would not be allowed to tap that ass right before he bit down hard into The Amazon's arm slightly below her shoulder. His new razor sharp metal teeth sunk in deeply, ripping into flesh and bone and metal and veins and arteries coursing with blood and motor oil before completely tearing her arm off. Our hero jumped to his feet and picked up the severed limb.
The buxom beauty screamed as a torrent of blood and petroleum by-product spewed from her arm. She glared at The Guak, and he knew she wanted him to die...slowly.
"Not going to happen, toots," said The Guak before smashing her in the face with her own arm. The impact knocked her down to the ground, her white nurse's uniform becoming soiled as she landed in the rapidly growing puddle her bodily fluids were making,
The Guak pointed and laughed.
"We really need to stop fucking around, boss," Girl Oslo nervously suggested. "These dwarfs are about to get all up in our bidness."
"They're not dwarfs, Oslo. Dwarfs have over-sized heads and such. These shit birds are anatomically proportionate."
"Except for their tits and dicks you mean."
Girl Oslo grabbed The Guak's hand and bolted for the hangar door. The Guak looked behind him to see the non-dwarfs preparing for action. Some armed themselves with weapons from the crates. Some ran for to the jeeps, motor bikes, and tanks. Several started tending to the doctor. The Amazon had disappeared.
Our hero's sidekick/savior grabbed a pair of grenades from an open crate as the duo sprinted to the exit. With one fluid motion she removed both pins with her teeth and tossed the explosives at the door. The grenades went off in a loud explosion, blowing a hole big enough for The Guak and his lady cat Friday to run through with ease.
The Guak expected to find himself outside, but that was not the case. Instead, our hero and Girl Oslo were in a giant stone hallway with no end in sight. The lady cat keep sprinting with a confused Guak close behind.
"How is this possible?! This makes no sense!" shouted The Guak.
"You haven't figured it out yet? Are you retarded?" snapped Girl Oslo.
"A little, yeah," he answered softly.
The pair continued down the neverending hallway. Our hero took another look to assess what was happening behind them. The tiny...men?...were in hot pursuit. Non-dwarfs driving jeeps. Non-dwarfs driving motorcyles with gatling gun-mounted sidecars. Non-dwarfs brandishing bazookas. Then they yield for the tank.
The Guak utilized his new telescopic vision to zoom in on the approaching tank. The Amazon sat atop, straddling the cannon. No longer in the dress stained with blood and motor oil, she sported a tight drab green t-shirt bunched up past her tummy and tied in a knot just below her breasts, which somehow had grown even larger, super short camouflage cut-offs, and combat boots. And an eye patch for some inexplicable reason. Her stump of a right arm was bandaged up while her left, and only, hand gripped a 50-caliber machine gun. Revenge and murder were in her eyes.
Our hero turned his attention back in front of him only to find the hallway coming to an end in another mile.
"Oslo! There's a wall coming up ahead, but there's no door!" The Guak exclaimed.
"Look closer, boss!"
The Guak zoomed in to see a pink circle in the wall, roughly 6' in diameter. A thin miniscule opening ran the entire length of the circle from top to bottom.
"There's no way we're fittin' through that!" observed The Guak.
"Oh ye of little faith," commented Girl Oslo. "It will expand to accommodate you. You'll fit I assure you, though from the looks of things we won't get there in time."
Our hero looked behind them. The Amazon and the wee brigade were gaining serious ground. Girl Oslo was correct: they were right fucked. His no longer four-legged friend stopped suddenly. "You need to keep going, boss. I'll hold them off. Your survival is essential."
"That's crazy talk. We're in this together," said The Guak firmly. He just couldn't see throwing his best friend, his only friend, to the wolves. Especially since Oslo had grown a fantastic pair of lady lumps.
"There's a point to all this. And the answer lies in The Pink. Go. I love you, boss."
"I love you, Olso."
The pair embraced each other tightly. And then the two kissed. Weird, I know. But they separated only when The Guak could no longer take Girl Oslo's sandpaper tongue.
Girl Oslo turned towards their pursuers. Her claws fully extended. These assholes were about to learn they messed with the wrong pussy. Sure, she fucked with them first, but two wrongs don't make a right. The felin fatale dragged her tongue down the entire length of her right arm and then her left. She hissed and charged towards the Maschinemensch Militia.
The Guak drew a deep breath before dashing towards The Pink. Ten feet before the wall he dove, plunging headfirst into the slit.
(concluded Monday!)
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