Harry Guakomoli and Dinah were conversing when the Monte Carlo's rear window was blown out. Both driver and passenger instinctively ducked.
"What the fuck was that?!" Dinah yelled.
"Maybe Troy's pissed you bought his car for ironic reasons," our hero replied.
"Not. Funny."
The Guak thought it was. He looked behind his left shoulder and noticed a black van rocketing toward them. A bald man leaned out the passenger's window wielding some kind of gun in both hands. Our hero couldn't tell for certain, but the driver appeared to be white and bald as well. The van was rapidly closing the gap between it and the Monte Carlo.
"Looks like skinheads. Sound familiar?" The Guak asked.
Dinah shook her head while slamming her foot down on the accelerator.
"They're probably for me then," our hero said. "You can probably outrun them, but we should take the fight to them. Do you have guns in here?"
"There's a .32 in the glove box," she answered. "And there's...other stuff in the trunk."
The Guak's curiosity was piqued, but circumstances called for him not to press the matter.
"Do you know how to use it?" our hero asked.
"It's not my forte," Dinah replied. "But, yes, I know how to point and shoot."
"What is your forte exactly?"
"Can we not do this now?" the driver asked. "Mr. Clean's fucktard brothers are trying to kill us. Why don't you use the gun?"
"Guns aren't my style."
"Not your style?! Isn't the whole point of you is your lack of style?"
"You're using the fucking gun," The Guak ordered.
Our hero opened the glove box. The compartment was stuffed with a variety of papers and envelopes. Atop the stack was a pistol and what is best vaguely described as a marital aid. The Guak smiled. He disliked guns but immediately recognized the pistol as a Walther PPK; the same gun used by James Bond.
"Here," said The Guak as he handed the gun to the driver. "Now shoot any motherfucker that gets close enough."
"Fine, fine," Dinah said as she cocked the hammer.
"Slow down a little. Let them catch up to us," our hero instructed as he rolled down the window. "Hmm. Not much room for me to climb out."
Dinah decelerated slightly, allowing the dark van to draw closer. The van approached from the flank of the passenger's side. Its driver attempted to place it side-by-side with the Monte Carlo.
"Hit the brakes!" The Guak yelled.
Dinah slammed on the brake pedal as directed. As she did The Guak quickly opened the door. The speeding van struck the open door, ripping it off its hinges and sending it flying.
"Troy's going to be pissed!" Dinah said as she giggled.
"Fuck Troy."
"Maybe Later."
The Guak leaned out of the new opening. He bent his knees as he readied himself to pounce.
"Now drive up beside them. The van has sliding doors on either side. That's how I'm going in."
"You got it, The Guak," Dinah said with a huge grin. "This is fucking exciting."
The Monte Carlo accelerated once again positioning itself parallel to the van. Our hero gripped the the side door's handle. He pulled on it and tried to slide the door open. But as he did Dinah hit a pot hole which knocked The Guak off-balance. While still gripping the handle he fell out of the car. His legs and feet were about to hit pavement. This would have hurt our hero a whole fucking lot, but a pair of hands grabbed a hold of his sweatshirt and pulled him into the van.
The Guak was on his knees inside the van. He quickly scanned his new surroundings. The back seats were removed leaving the interior empty. Four individuals, three men and a woman, stood over him hunched over. They were all bald and clean-shaven, clad in dark heavy jackets, black jeans, and combat boots. He saw, the backs of the driver's and front passenger's hairless heads.
"We've rescued the scion!" one of the men exclaimed. "We will earn The Death Matriarch's favor!"
The Guak grabbed the man and threw him out the open side door. He the asphalt. As he did he bounced, then rolled, leaving red smears in his wake.
"I only need one of you fuckheads alive for questioning," The Guak said. "So do me a favor and attack me so we can hurry this up."
"Attack you?" one of the other bald men in the back responded. "We're here to save --"
"Too late," interrupted The Guak as he wrapped his meaty hands around the man's neck. He squeezed tightly right before tossing him out the door.
"Next?"
"God damn it," the man sitting in the passenger's seat said as he turned his head to see what the hubbub was about. "Just subdue him. The Death Matriarch will understand."
The remaining rescuers in the back, a man and a woman, lunged at The Guak simultaneously. Our hero, still on his knees, was at a bit of a disadvantage, allowing the man to pummel The Guak repeatedly in the face. Our hero regarded the attacks as more of a nuisance than an actual threat and countered with a punch to the man's gut. The head punches stopped immediately, and he doubled over. But before The Guak could finish him off the woman pounced on his back and bit into his neck.
The Guak howled in equal parts rage and pain. He reached behind himself to grab a handful of hair, but all he got was the smoothness of her head.
"I don't like fucking up women," The Guak warned. "But I will."
"Your chauvinism masquerades as chivalry!" she shrieked before biting the other side of the neck.
Our hero howled again and stood up suddenly, slamming his attacker into the van's ceiling. Then again. And again.
"Help her, brother!" The driver ordered the man beside him. The Guak continued slamming the woman against the ceiling, but she refused to break her hold. The passenger shifted out of his seat to aid the woman when the driver stopped him.
"Wait," the wheel man said. "The secondary target is driving up beside us."
The passenger turned toward his open window as a gunshot rang through the air. The back of the man's head exploded, sending blood, brains, and bone fragments flying. The windshield and driver were sprayed with viscous sanguinary fluid. The driver slammed on the brakes. Our hero, the lady biter still on his back, fell backwards. He hit the van's double doors causing them to fly open. The Guak and his attacker tumbled out.
Our hero managed to grab the top of one of the doors with his hands with the bald woman's arms wrapped around his neck. The van accelerated once again before taking a sharp left turn. The door swung wildly, hitting the side of the van hard with The Guak's fingers between them. He winced. The impact was finally too much for the woman to maintain her grip. She released her hold but managed to wrap her arms around our hero's waist.
The Guak was exerting most of his energy to hang on to the door. Then its top hinge separated.
"Fuck," he cussed aloud. The woman hanging on to him started to scream. He looked down to her feet dragging along the pavement. Her combat boots were already beginning to wear out. It wouldn't be long until she really felt pain.
From the corner of our hero's eye he noticed the Monte Carlo hurtling toward them. He felt the door's bottom hinge start to give.
"Let go!" The Guak ordered the bald woman.
"Please save me!" she begged. "We're here to help you! You're in danger!"
"What?!"
"These people! They want to --"
The woman's response was stopped short by a .32 caliber bullet hitting the door mere inches from The Guak's lower back. Our hero saw the Monte Carlo a few feet from the rear bumper. Dinah's hand right hand gripped the steering wheel while her left aimed the PPK at the bald woman. A lit cigarette was nestled between her gun metal black lips. The Guak swore she was smiling.
The raven-maned cutie fired again. This time the bullet hit the woman's left leg right below where it met the cheek of her ass. The woman screamed. She let go of The Guak and dropped to the pavement. Our hero heard a loud sickening squishing sound as the Monte Carlo ran over her going close to 80 mph. The car briefly tugged to the right before Dinah corrected its direction and approached the van's left flank.
The bottom hinge could no longer take the stress and came apart. Our hero fell and hoped to survive the impact of hitting asphalt. He was pleasantly surprised to land on the hood of the car instead. His feeling of relief came to abrupt end when he realized he was sliding off. He managed to grab the windshield wiper. It snapped off almost immediately, but it slowed The Guak down for him to control the momentum just enough to clumsily plop back down into the passenger's seat.
"This is fucking exciting!" Dinah squealed with delight.
"Are you fucking nuts?!" asked The Guak.
"Sanity is subjective," she answered. "Don't be such a baby."
"Says the girl with the gun in the relative safety of Troy's car."
The van's driver slammed on the brakes once again, putting substantial distance between the vehicles.
"You ready to murderize the rest of these clowns?" Dinah gleefully asked.
"I need one alive for questioning. Slow down."
Sirens could be heard in the distance as the van's front passenger door opened, and the corpse of Dinah's first victim was pushed out of the van. The man whom The Guak had socked in the solar plexus earlier eased into the passenger seat. The inside of the windshield was covered in blood and brains save for two spots where the bald men sloppily attempted to clean. The van's driver put the pedal to the metal, rubber burning and leaving patches on the road.
"What's the plan?" asked an eager Dinah.
"Hmm," The Guak thought aloud. "I guess just let them catch up to us."
"You're the boss, applesauce."
As the van raced toward the Monte Carlo The Guak made sure his right hand was was completely covered in the sleeve of his sweatshirt before clearing out the remaining glass of the shattered rear window. Then he began to climb out of it and onto the trunk.
"Have you forgotten these guys have guns?" Dinah questioned The Guak.
"They won't shoot at me," our hero responded.
The Guak, now completely out of the car and on the trunk, looked at the rapidly approaching van. His fingers smarted like a motherfucker. As did his bleeding neck.
This is going to fucking hurt, The Guak thought to himself as he jumped off the Monte Carlo. He flew about ten feet in the air before crashing through the windshield of the van. Our hero kicked the passenger in the side of the face with enough force to spin the head around and break his neck, instantly killing him. The Guak grabbed the steering wheel and violently turned it to the right. The van careened out of control and into the large window of soul food eatery Honey's Sweet Eatin's.
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